Getting back on track

Man its been a while since ive blogged and ive had a tone of stuff on my mind.
Its been exactly a week today since ive last blogged so there's a lot to offload of my chest.
So last week i went to my first proper AutCF bible study for the year. it took a while for the group to properly get back into it but it was really good. we read up on Galatians1:1-10. I lent from that study that we should be have our hearts ion the right place. for follow god at all times no matter what. to me it was really important as the last sentence spoke, do you choose to please god or man? i really reflected on that as ive recently been noticing that ive always been different. im weird and i don't really get along with the "crowd". i have my own way of doing things however since my teen years ive disregarded my ways and given into peer pressure to do what society and friends have been telling me to do. ive kinda not been my own person in a while and ive been doing things to impress them. but now as a Christian i should really focus myself towards god instead of people, because this is what it means to live a godly life. another thing from this study that spoke to me was when Paul had written if there is anyone spreading another gospel other than the one you've already accepted . let them be eternally condemned. and that includes angels!!! wow the word condemned is really powerful. but what does it really mean? a life in hell i guess but when you really sit down and think about it a life without god or not being in heaven in god in the afterlife. that would be hell. this passage also reminded me of Muslims. just as they accept the book oh Joseph smith as part of the bible however it its a new gospel all together if you do include that book. Christ Jesus is our Saviour and i wish that everyone could just know him and accept him. another thing that struck me that day was the attractiveness of Christian females. Sueanne my partner whom ive had a relationship with for 4 years spoke up at this bible study and was really into the word of god. she had vast amounts of knowledge on the subjects of Galatians as she had done some reading beforehand and for some reason this had really inspired me and attracted me towards her. normally this would cause the opposite effect but there is something attractive about knowing the word and knowing the lord that sets you aside from everyone else. just thought id like to share that with you.

ON weds i had a bible study with the engineering group. we did a psalm but i cant remember which one. David wrote about how people were telling him that he wasn't saved and that he was afraid. also that night he rested also symbolizing revitalization through the lord. i found it really interesting as he wrote men said he was not saved but he rebuked in the end saying salvation is of the lord. just reminded me once again, not to do things through myself but through the lord. also not to be afraid as in the psalm David prays for the lord to take control and it just reminded me of the lords rule power and sovereignty.

Thursday i had met up with Cara and heather from TSCF to meet about MSVA and to start a Christian group there. its new and we still kind of need direction as to where to go. in the end the girls wanted to make it more pure evangelical and have more out reach then to have foundation and structure such as bible studies for internal growth. i think a bit of both will not be so bad but i'm hoping when we do do bible studies i maybe able to play some leadership role. i was also asked to share my testimony within the group. i'm not sure how powerful it was but it was good to remind myself of my journey here so far for Christ. also i have a confession i have to make. while i was telling my testimony and listening and sharing i was staring at Cara. she had a low cut top and my eye could not help but wonder over to her breast. i regret its a sinful action i have done and feel like i should have been slapped by both Cara and Sueanne. its something i feel like i can share here with you lord and i hope that u forgive me for my sins.

clutch also then asked if i wanted to meet up with Colin after which i agreed to. he had told me so much of how much this man had given up to follow the lord on this journey so i had figured if it will light me on fire then there is no reason to deny him or not see him if i have the spare time. when i arrived i had recognized his face from orientation and though wow so this is him... again. we spoke of his day of how he had failed his driving test and how god has a plan for all of us. the main message i got from the talk with him was just to trust in god no matter what we do. don't do things on our own because that not gods way but to rely on him because he wants us to rely on him. it made me realize that sometimes i do try to do things myself when i should be trying to honoring god at all times and rely on him. he really woke me up with this meeting making realize nothing is in my control for god controls all. :) and knowing that im at peace with because i know god is righteous.

on friday i had been stuck at work and i had managed to sneek away the word today into my rides. it was a real encouragement for me to read and reflect upon what the word is tellign me and how it can relate it to everday events. it was really good to catch up on the few weeks i had missed out on reading the word for the day as i had been busy or often i had neglected reading the word with god. made me realize i should do it more. i had also had a great conversation with a co worker called chakan. her background is mormon but she doesn't follow it closely. to be frank she lives for herself and as i got know what she believes in i was also once reminded of the passage in Galatians 1:8. i was hoping to shower her that Jesus was all of mankind's salvation however she did not completely agree. however having the ability to talk and spread the word more did encourage me a lot more to be slightly more radical and speak out more.
later that night i had a friends 21st. his name is Stan and he is rather good friend of mine from university. we had drank that night and unfortunately i had drank a bit too much and would have probably set a bad example for the others. i also peer pressured him into drinking a mixture of alcohol's which did get him intoxicated rather fast and left him coma toasted in bed for a while. i now am reminded of the passage or verse that speaks do not get involved with idol slander drunkenness and adultery.

Saturday i woken with a hang over from my mistake of drinking far too much the night before. i regret it as drinking is not forbidden by god but what glory does it bring god if i am in a drunken state and i cannot control my tounge? my tounge is like a window to my soul as it speaks out the truth of who i am. if i am drunk then how may i control my thoughts rationally as to what i really believe?. that day i had spoken with a good friend called Mellisa. she had introduced me to Life church when i was stuck looking for a place to worship learn and grow more in god. we had spoke of manifestation and she had told me she had seen it before. it surprised me as to how common it was and how they overcame it through Jesus. it made me reflect as to how i felt at SLC when i was confronted with singing and prayer. was that the holy spirit working through me or was i manifesting? i wasn't sure. it did also let me reflect as to how powerful Jesus's and god the father's sovereignty is. its amazing. i ended up taking my book every young mans battle to my ride and learnt a lot from it even though i have only read 1/3 of the book. to reflect i want to be a man that lives an undivided life for Christ as in the book it spoke of a pasta living a divided life from his Christian life and man life. i don't want to be a pretender as thats not what will glorify god. doing his work will. also i had learnt that sex before marriage ruins a relationship between man and the lord as it makes it harder for men to connect with god as we are overcome with guilt and fear. we also feel undeserving because of it. when i reflect on this and i say its true to every point. sex is a pleasure given by god and so it should be embraced when we are united from 2-1. i also learnt that sex is just sex. it does not make it any more exciting in the marriage life if u continue to have sex before and also if you decided to have sex before then what great will it do you if that person is not the right person for you. you haven't glorified god in doing that. so it really did teach me a few things with my sexual temptation and being honest, it is something i struggle with a lot as its on my mind most the time. i did feel blessed though to have materials such as these that i could look upon and read and learn form as to how i could grow in Christ. its just awesome. i also had a 21st party later that night for Sophie and rah. my gods gifting i was blessed to have such an awesome camera and a great pair of eyes for capturing some good moments at this 21st. i had learnt about the difficulties the family had gone through while growing up and i hard learnt of Sophies amazing struggle and illness that she battles. its inspiring to see even though it all both the girls care deeply for each other and remain soo strong to the word of god. i wish i had such a relationship with the lord. they are a blessing to have been in my life.
anyways i will continue on tomorrow as it late. bye diary.

well im back now with some free time and even more to update on its been an extra week since then.
well that Friday night i had a 21st to go to. this was a freind from uni and i had known him fro a few years and i had initally gone there just to give him my greetings and allow my presences to be there. however i did let my gaurd drop and i did manage to encourgae my sellf to keep drinking.even to the point when i known the next drink would have put me over the top yet i still kept going. i even was encouraging my freind to drik his spiked drink which was mixed with almost every acoholoic drink in sight. honestly how did my actions that night reflect god.. .at all? it didnt and so i was challenged by my own actions in how i portray god in my life and how i bear witness to others.

at church i hard lernt of the story of jericho and joshua. what a heroic story. what i did learn from it was to always invole god in all my actions. also to listen to him as he has a plan for us and not to do everything from our own power as i liek to do most the time.

on monday as usual i helped set up milo monday and as usual it was great giving out to students from aut. i really hope one day im able to do this for other students accross other campuses. its just inpired me as to how much i really wanna do staffwork. that evening we had dinner at michael drake's. an very insightful chap who is part of the chaplincy at mit and also associate staff from tscf. at his palce we ate and drank(fizzy) and converesed. we read a bit from the bible and discussed how we could change mit to have more direction and more growth.
it was great as this was the first time this group had ever done anyhting like this at all.

Its the little things that count

today its been a pretty unproductive day for me. lazing around and watching tv episodes for a good 2 hours. altho all day ive had god on my mind. its strange like to the point where i just want ot be with the lord already. i feel so special knowing that he cares about me a SINNER and so very far from perfect. yet he still loves and cares about me. it touches my heart and soul. for the lord i will do anything. i had a good prayer today before i set of to hang out with Jeremy to help him with his car. it was important for me to remain in him. to remember to take up my cross and thats what i did.

Heavenly father. i thank you for all the gifts you've given me. all the love and compassion you've shown towards me. for opening up doors giving me the greatest of friends and showing me the true light of this world which is in you. father i just want to be with you. your so amazing and you make all things real. miracles and the impossibles are no longer out of reach because through you all can be done. Lord i pray for courage lord to do your will today. that you speak to me in ways that i can see how you affect my life and others. lord i pray for the holy spirit, that you send him upon me and incinerate every trace of sin in me. father i want to be pure of heart and i want to do your will. lord will you welcome me with open arms once again and take me up as a son as a disciple as a follower of you lord Jesus. i want to make you my king and what ever your will is i want to do. father i pray for my friends and family that don't know you lord. i love them and i know the time is near when you will arise lord. please give them the chance to get to know you.; please send the holy spirit to burn in me to over flow in me with love for you so i can stand witness to them as to what you have done in me. lord please open their hearts and soften them, open their minds to you their eyes to you their ears to you so they can hear you see you and feel your calling for them. lord if it is in you will i pray that you work through me for your work to be done. i pray that you give me courage to stand strong in your word and lord i pray that you send the holy spirit to me to help me fight of my natural sinful nature so that i may become more like you. my glorious king. lord i pray for all these things so i may grow in you and be strong in you so i may be able to share the good news with everyone i meet. in your glorious name i pray. Amen.

i spent most my day today with Jermey an d actually found him to be a great inspiration to me. it was just the little things he does such as inviting friends around to include him in things. pursuing in knowledge to grow and just knowing that there is always room for us to grow in the lord. he also showed me how much of a Christian he really is with his big heart. i think it maybe a gifting of his as he was able to give and lend to total strangers he had never met at pick a part today. that was truly inspiring to me as i would not be able to do that myself. he even lent hand to a total stranger to get a car part out. if this is what it means to be doing your work lord i know i fall short in so many ways. i thank you lord for such a great friend and such a great lesson i learn from him lord.

i also ended up having a really good talk with Sueanne today. we opened up and talked about the issues around us. our friends and our visions and what we sort of want to see happen. its great to know that the lords working in her because she really inspires me to do more of your work lord. she has such a talented mind and is so organized and so relational lord. i only pray that she grows in you and i guess so that i don't lose this wonderful gifting you have given me. shes amazing. shes exhausted herself from doing your work today lord and it jsut shows to me how much energy and how much and how far she is willing to go for you. its so encouraging and motivating to me to see that from her. thank you father for her.

i also got to see mike once again and do another bible study. we didn't end up finishing the notes he went through in conference lord but we did end up going through the book of James and finished chapter one. i was astonished as to how much of this passage applied to me. I'm like the man in the mirror when i read your lord word it comes through one ear and out the other sometimes. i should really be applying your word to myself and i don't do that sometimes lord. please forgive me. i also learned that i should apply to myself that i should be quicker to listen to ideas thoughts and other people and really open my ears to hear you calling to me. i should be slow to judge and slow to speak and thus slow to get angry. if i am angry what good does that do in your name if others see me in that state. no good and so lord i thank you for the message you are telling me. i should be more like you and forgive them. i also learn't that my touch is a sharp as a double edge sword and that i should be careful in what i say or speak. what good or glory does it give you if i curse around others and shout profanities? none my lord so in this i will try to apply to myself but i need your help of the holy spirit to do so and to help guide me. you came down for the poor and not the rice lord and in James it also talks of us helping orphans and widows. lord i hope you make this clearer to me as i don't quite understand this passage. i also tried to do your work today in speaking to another skater tonight. too bad he left before i could settle myself in to talk to him about who you were lord. i only hope that he has herd your name and that he knows of who you are. Lord i also have come to realize that your name is knowing world wide. some people use your name in vain but yet lord under that circumstance your name i still spoken and shared in the world. father you are amazing in how you have highly exalted your son Christ Jesus.

i am also inspired by these few words spoken by mike. "LETS SAVE THE WORLD"

father i pray as i end for the evening that you energizes me for the days that is to come. As hard work and concentration maybe involved lord i hope that i still am able to keep you in mind and that you watch over me always. i pray that today as i reflect back if there is anything that i have said or have done that is not of you lord i pray that you forgive me and wash away my sin. father i thank you so much for the lord Jesus that you have sent to earth upon from heavens. for you to love us as far to have your son do your will and having him die on the cross for our sins so that we may remain in you. lord you are amazing. i thank you with all my heart. holy spirit i pray that you work within me to be more like Jesus and to be able to take upon more lessons and to be able to grow in you lord each and every single day. i pray that you help me with my natural sinful nature and that i will be able to hear your call for me to do you work. father i pray whatever i do lord i boast it all not in my own name as human praise will do me no good. lord i pray all glory will go to you and in you name i pray. Amen.

lost and found inspiration

To those reading this
wow this is going to be my first blog on here. Scary, lets hope i can keep it up. I think im doing it because very one else is journaling or blogging for some reason. i wanna fit in... hmmm.
Anyways this blog will mainly focus on me and god and hopefully i can always look back on what i have learned.

This morning i woke up surprisingly early finding myself unable to go back to bed. After having a thrilling day at work yesterday on a couples date and an awesome as dinner served and cooked by the lovely hands of Suey and Pearl there was not much i could ask for. I ended up reading along with my audio version of 2nd timothy chapters 1-3. i find the audio version helps but after going through it thinking back now. i don't remember a thing from this morning. kinda shows maybe i should concentrate harder.

Lord i thank you for the use of technology, to have availability to be able to listen to your word. to have the access of internet to research questions we don't know about you lord. father i thank you for the amazing days that you have gifted us with and the amazing creation you have crafted. Beauty is everywhere in every shape and form i see in my eyes. Lord thank you for my blessed friends and especially for my love Suey that motivates me to look towards your word and helps me grow. In your name i pray, Amen.

I ended up with a girl called Jenny today on the powersurge. became rather interesting as i came to find out her views on what Christianity was and what she believed god to be and what she thought. i still find it hard and funny that Christians get the stereotype of always being good and having that invisible gold halo above our heads as if we have never done anything bad and when we do its the worst of worst. its hard sometimes to break this stereotype but they have to know were people too. we have the same needs and the same urges, not to forget everybody has a past so yet no body is perfect. My buddy found it hard to believe that i had a past and that as a Christian i struggle with urges as well. if only we could just break this stereotype by just spreading love of Jesus everywhere then the world would be a better place. i was surprised to find out that she herself believed in god. however the most surprising bit was she didn't really know who the god she believed in was. makes me think back to the book of acts (acts 17) when paul had been in athens and seen the inscriptions "to an unknown god". she knew of who Chirst Jesus was but didn't know of the holy spirit. She told me she had been to a Christian fellowship in 3rd and 4th form but had stopped. i ended up trying to explain the bible from adam and eve, Noah, moses, prophets and then Jesus in 8 mins. that was a challenge. Jenny is a kind girl i know because of the way she acts eg offering strangers rides and sticking up for people. shes afraid of the revolution day of when the end of the world comes. shes also afraid to call her self a Christian altho she is a believer of Jesus but is not a disciple as she is nto ready to give herself fully over to Christ as she finds it easier to live a life in sin.

Dear lord. i pray for my sister Jenny so that she is able to get to know you lord and to make the ultimate decision of following you. father i pray that you soften her heart and raise questions in her mind about who you are and why you have come to save us. lord i i pray that you give her plenty of opportunities to be exposed to Christians and so she can see what it is to follow you father and also that if it is your will that you open doors for her and let her eyes see you. father i pray that not just by me but also by others your work in her will be done and that some day someone will be able to reap the seeds that i and others have sowed in her in the glory of your name. i pray that she comes to you truthfully and seekingly and she will touch others around her which will help us grow your kingdom. in Jesus name i pray. Amen.


I also went to church today in the new building site. Was awesome as it reminded me of my old church Life. oh how i miss it. i was inspired by the pastor today with his talk of integrity. to always live a life of a Christian as Jesus would, as that way it would comfortably become our new lifestyle by helping others and it would just be a habit for us to help. really made me think of how i fall short of gods glory and how much i need grace to be saved. it also let me realize of what else i can accomplish in the glory of the lord to help others such as giving(one of my gifts).

This evening i had gone to the airport to pick up Michael. he had left on Friday for a conference and i had been praying that the conference would set him on fire for god and that he would grow. boy did he!!!! tonight he has really inspired me to really refresh myself in the word each day and die to the lord each day. he taught me about manifestation, the greatest commission and our mission as a Christian. to save others. he also taught me that i could be cleanse daily and that in the dark thats when the light shines. us as Christians we are the light of the world where this world is fallen to sin and darkness. however being in darkness we have to be careful not to lose fire for the lord by being native and going back to living a "normal" life. really we should be running our race at our own pace so the fire in our hearts for the lord retains a constant pace and doesn't die. thank you so much mike for being such an inspiration to me. just as i was losing direction u really hit home as to how much i really have to learn about the lord. thanks buddy may your fire never die and the holy spirit in u over flows with joy to those around u.

H evenly father i thank you for my brother Michael here with me today as i am able to sit down and be told of the work that you have done through him at conference . Thank you father for listening to my prayers of him growing and with the possibility of him steeping up to the plate as a leader as he gowns and matures in you lord. thank you for the blessings you have given me lord, i am so under serving of my friends and the grace and love that you have given me. father i pray for those around me and actually those in general that don't know you yet lord. i pray the holy spirit fills them up with love and softens there hearts opens their eyes so they can see the amazing love and gift that you have bestowed upon us. father i pray that you give me a burning desire to do your work lord, that your will is able to be done through me as my body is now a vessel for your spirit. father pray that you give me courage to speak your words and share the good news with anyone and everyone i meet. i pray that you can give me confidence to be more like you lord and that you use my skills and talents to reach and talk to those who may seen unreachable so that i may shine my light on their darkness and help them see the light through you lord. i pray that this burning desire never dies and that i am able to hear your call to me daily father and remember that i am dead to sin if i live my life for myself. i am alive through you if i live my life for you father doing your work and i pray that you constantly remind me of the struggles ive been through and you work in my heart to keep me from my earthly struggles and temptations and urges. lord i hand over to you my life and i pray that you use it to your will and that everything done through me will be done in the glory of your name. thank you for everything you do for me lord, you give me food shelter and your word. i do not need more lord but i do pray for my fellow brothers and sisters to stay strong and firm in you. i really pray for our loved ones to know you and our friends to know you. father i know it will happen all in your time but lord i pray they may accept you before you come and are once again seated at the utmost highest throne. Lord may everything done be in your glory and if i am every lead astray that you chase me along like a Shepard and a lamb so that i may return to your flock. in your glorious name Jesus i pray. Amen.